A group had complained to me about their boss who promised clients deadlines her team had to meet. They were clueless about how she came up with these timeframes. It was as if she pulled them randomly out of her…thin air. When they pushed back because of other incomplete priorities, she’d become defensive. Did she have no idea how much effort and time a project would take? Was she trying to curry favor with a client by exceeding their expectations? Or did she find it exhilarating to put in an excruciating number of hours at the last minute? Maybe it was all three.
I realize some prefer to work under pressure even if I don’t. Intellectually, most of us understand style differences, yet we still expect people to behave the way we do. Fortunately, our quirks don’t normally impact the way others conduct their work. However, repeatedly sentencing your team to unrealistic timelines does. As I mentioned in Work Jerks: How to Cope with Difficult Bosses and Colleagues, it’s not the one-off situation that’s a problem, it’s the pattern of consistently treading on people’s toes that creates discord.
Forcing colleagues to meet unreasonable deadlines is only one example of a person’s problematic style but there are many others. For instance, if the music you have flowing through your headset leaks into your communal work space, that’s a problem. Your microwaved Brussels sprouts or fish could be offensive. Tuneless humming while looking for files on your computer may prompt murderous thoughts in others. It’s worth asking yourself if your daily actions are intrusive or benign.
Another example is the defense, “I’m just being the devil’s advocate.” That gets old. It’s true that uncovering all sides of an issue can be illuminating. However, I’ve noticed that those who take pride in that moniker tend to relish being argumentative. If that’s you, be aware that your effectiveness is diminished when people think you’re a jerk and stop listening. Next time, break up your pattern by talking about what’s right with someone’s proposal instead of bringing up what’s wrong.
Some of those I’ve coached report that they hold high standards which their coworkers don’t share. Consequently, they feel entitled to complain about or correct their peers. Expecting exemplary performance from yourself is fine but if you think your colleagues must follow your example, you’re out of line. Even when your manager holds the same expectations as you, they are paid to do the monitoring, not you. It’s not your business. Take a deep breath and tell yourself how lucky you are that you can just enjoy these folks without providing critical feedback.
Most of us get the message if our style rubs the wrong way—unless we’re in a leadership position. Being the boss means that your behavior is nearly impossible for your staff to address directly. Though rest assured, they are discussing your actions among themselves. The bravest may try to speak to you about something you’re doing that’s really bothersome, but if you shut them down or ignore the critique, they won’t persist. So, it’s up to you to solicit information. Through one-on-one meetings or employee surveys, ask:
· What should I do more of?
· What should I do less of?
· What should I keep the same?
Whether you receive straightforward answers depends on the culture you’ve fostered over time—as well as how you have responded previously to reasonable feedback. The less trust the team has in you, the more anonymity people will need in order to tell the truth.
We should admit that we all have work quirks. A department retreat can be an ideal place to talk about style preferences. Think of it as sharing your operating manual. “Here’s something you may not know about me and how I like to work,” is a good opener. However, expecting everyone to adjust to you is not reasonable. For example, “I need to have complete silence while I work,” isn’t a realistic requirement. But by revealing your preference, you might open the door to negotiation of work space or the creation of norms for where people hang out so they don’t disrupt others.
In our own minds, our actions are normal which is why it’s important to foster a spirit of inquiry about ourselves and how we maneuver in the world. If you’re occasionally handed a random negative comment about your behavior, it may not be worthy of much thought. But if you possess a habit or way of thinking that has been mentioned repeatedly and by multiple people, then it’s time to reflect and consider some changes. Are these things you’ve chosen to ignore, or worse, taken pride in when you know they disturb others? I’ve coached too many who respond to feedback with, “Yeah, I’ve been told that before.” So, how many more times does it need to be said before you do something about it?
We can do what we please when we’re alone. In a team, we can be our unique selves while also assuring that our quirks are as benign as possible so everyone can do their best work.
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